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27-Sep-2012

House For Sale Property Porn

Vacant Possession ?

Judging by the appearance of most of the houses for sale that I've looked around, they are all available immediately with vacant possession, because there's no sign at all that anyone lives in them. "Presumably the house is available immediately ?" I'd love to ask the agent !

The owners have obviously been around and cleaned everything into hospital sterility and followed up by removing any traces that they require food to live on, or that they need a TV remote to work the TV. What's more, they've positioned all the cushions and pillows to give the impression that everyone in the house has OCD problems.

Wouldn't it be fun to pull back the bed covers from those "dressed" beds and see what's underneath ? We all know what goes on in suburbia really don't we ?

Plus, of course, there's a carefully positioned music stand, complete with Dvorak's Violin Concerto score to show that Sophie (name chosen at random) takes her violin lessons seriously (although she has no talent).

The ridiculous thing is that on the one hand, we've got the house buying guides telling you to be careful to check important aspects, like the dimensions of the rooms, while on the other hand there are all the sellers emptying their houses of anything that shows there is someone living there in addition to the invisible man.

The one thing I want to figure out when buying, is what the house will look like when my family lives in it and whether it is large enough to have all our belongings, CD's, clothes, bags, shoes and generally useful things, spread around all the rooms.

So the next time I view, I'm going to tell the sellers:

"Actually, I won't be making an offer as I can't work out what this house will look like when there are people actually living in it. Also, I am very suspicious that there is something seriously wrong structurally, as you seem to have made a huge effort to cover everything up."

But where did it all start ? Someone needs to own up. Perhaps it was one of the very first TV property programs. Perhaps it was a shiny estate agent with their new Porsche. Perhaps its because we've got obsessed with looking as if we are somebody important. Perhaps we've got nothing better to think about.

Tidy it up please, but its no use to a buyer unless it looks like humans use it.

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