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Your Windows computer is infected

Bore them to tears and waste their time

That's my plan next time those scammers phone.
Yes, my computer was infected long before they told me.

Courtesy of Microsoft.

I'll be pleased to explain it all in detail to the scammers for several hours.

Microsoft Word is infected

In fact it was infected at birth by some idiot designer.

First of all, Microsoft Word behaves with a mind of its own. Call me ambitious if you like, but when I get a picture in the middle of my document and its got the 4 arrowed cross there, I expect to be able to move it. Fat chance.

Then there's the bullet points. I know when I want a bullet point. I am capable of switching them on. If I switch them off, it means I want them off. Not mysteriously switched on again without telling me.

Perhaps you didn't know, but Microsoft Word was in fact invented by secretaries, so that they could control their world and not get replaced by a robot. "Don't you know how to do that ? Its simple. Oh just give it to me and I'll sort it out for you".

Windows Live Mail is infected

In Windows 7 anyway.

I had it for quite a while and one day decided to save something to File.
But where is the File menu ? Or indeed the Edit button ?
In fact that whole top line of useful functions seems to be missing.

So I Googled the problem.

Ah, Windows 7 turns off that command line by default.

In the words of Shania Twain: You must be joking right ?

No, right click somewhere and 'Restore Classic Menu'.

So thank you for that Microsoft. Hiding the most common set of commands.
I simply don't believe it.

Windows Media Player is infected

It must be. My hard disk continously buzzing for ages. What's going on ?
CPU use at 30-40%. WTF ?

Aha ! Down in the bottom right hand corner there's some sort of indication that an update is going on. "Updating Library".

Switch the Player off. Hard disc stops buzzing.

Time to Google it. Lots of people asking how to turn the updates off. You can't.
In fact Windows Media Player by default is going through every media file I've got, reindexing or something. That means ALL the pictures, ALL the videos etc. PLUS its looking online for some sort of updates for the files.

I did not ask it to stall my PC.

Solution is to go into Options and turn off lots of stuff, so it only indexes My Music, or whatever you want to index.

Grrrrrrrr. Or worse.

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